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Farewell

Maybe you treat her better than you ever treated me. Maybe its magical with her. Maybe you aren’t even together. I still have curiosity about you, what are you doing? How are you going?

But I think i need to open my eyes. It didn’t work for a reason. Life throws things at you for a reason, people are put in front of you, people hurt you and people are then taken away from you. I need to stop and just put myself first.

I can’t delete the memories of you. I can’t delete how much i cared about you, I can’t delete that you were my first love. I can’t.

But what I can do is have enough self respect to never let you back into my life again. No communication. No more chances. No reason to communicate. Nothing. Just the acceptance that you were in my life once. But the understanding that you have nothing for me now. You would be a waste of time. A waste of energy and emotion. Just like you were before. I keep trying to say goodbye and stop any thoughts of you but it has proven difficult. You’re always going to be my first love. But that is all. You’re not a good person and I don’t think you ever will be. I looked past it all before but now as an adult I see. I really see.

This is goodbye.

Farwell.

Letting you go..

“Letting you go was the hardest thing I ever did, but that’s how I set myself free”
Please do not come back unless you are ready, unless you can add to my life instead of taking from me.
Watch me from afar and admire me, but do not interrupt my becoming if you are still unsure of yourself.

Dear Mr Wrong,

I look for quotes to try and explain it. Why do I still think about you? Why do I compare every other guy to you?

I’ve tried my best to let you go, and I know we’re both on different paths, going different places, dating different people. But it still astounds me how often you’re still their. As much as I’ve tried I can’t forget you. I can’t forget your cheeky smile, you’re favourite movie being the little prince, you’re sneaker obsession, the way you looked at me; Like I was the most beautiful thing you’ve ever laid eyes on. And I miss you, I miss how excited you were to see me, how in the beginning we were both so excited. I missed how I told you everything and you listened.

And it makes me sad to think about how we failed, and how even though we could try again, it most probably won’t work. Because you’re not the same person you were in the beginning and I don’t think I’ll ever get that guy back. The memories while making me smile, also make me sad to realise it can’t ever be like that again.

You were my first love, and even though I may have blocked you out; I wish I could talk to you and I wish things could be different. But I think its too painful to go down that road again. No matter how mad I get about how you treated me, that can’t take away the fact that I had so much love for you.

“Maybe we’ll met again when we’re older and lives less hectic, and I’ll be right for you and you’ll be right for me. But right now I am chaos to your thoughts and you are poison to my heart.”

I hope you’re doing well.

 

We’re ALL people pleasers

Yesterday I read a quote, “People pleasing hides the real you”. At first it went over my head, but later on I was doing some writing and this is when I realised how true this quote is. In our era, we are constantly doing things to please others. Wether it’s our parents, our friends or just people in the street. We have an overwhelming desire to be liked, to be seen a certain way in order to please others.

I’ve thought about this before, what would I do and how would I act, if I didn’t have to worry about pleasing other people or abide by societies standards for that matter? Sometimes I dress to impress, I compress my opinion from others ears in order to be seen a certain way and accepted. I think we subconsciously strive to please other people. This can occur in so many ways ranging from our career choices to something as simple as a personal opinion. Its obvious many of us care too much. So many of us worry about the image we must uphold in the eyes of others and have the constant fear of not being liked.

Now there’s two problems wrong with people pleasing. Firstly, trying to please others does takes away from you. Who YOU are. You individual opinions, style and preferences. We often do things purely to make someone else happy. The way you act, the shows you watch, the food you eat, the way you smile and the list goes on. I mean stop and think about it, I’m sure at least once in your life you’ve done something to please another. Do you really have that opinion or has yours been slowly murdered and morphed into someone else’s. Trying to please others impedes on our uniqueness and originality.

Secondly, we obsesses and change our behaviours because we want people to like us, when in fact, no one actually cares. If you think about it, each individual like yourself is far too focused on his or her own life to give a crap about yours. Someone may acknowledge you and maybe even be impressed by you, but it won’t be for long.

Very few people actually stand up for what they truly believe in or what they truly want to do. Because we’re so use to agreeing. But the things is, there’s always going to be someone who will disagree with you or not like something you do. So stop holding back, start expressing yourself the way you truly want to.

Overall people pleasing takes you away from you, I think we’ve established it. Who you are could be buried deep below a pile of other people’s crap and their expectations. I’m not trying to get you to stop and question your every decision since you exited the womb. I’m just trying to get you to have a bit of a think, and if anything, care a little less. Do things for yourself, figure out what that’s like.

You do not live to please others, your living YOUR life, please try your best to live to please yourself.

Disclaimer: I do understand in some situations what I’m saying here is not applicable. Sometimes people have no choice but to do what others tell them to do or think.

~ Jasmin

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Dear Everyday Driver,

This is probably just going to be another opinionated writer with another rant. And yes.. I do plan to be opinionated and have a good rant. Drink driving! A topic everyone hears of, every pubescent teenager has at least “wasted” a good 10 hours of their lives listening (or pretending to) to mandatory lectures on the subject. In all honesty I don’t think the reality  of this topic comes to light until you see it with your own eyes. But I’ve got a story I’d like to share with you:

I stopped at the lights on the way home from my brothers apartment, my heart started racing a million miles an hour when I see both doors on the car in front of me open abruptly.  I thought, “SHIT” as I remember subtly shouting at them to go the speed limit only moments before. (I’ll inform you though, my windows where up and I do not have physical capacity to be loud).  Many thoughts ticked through my mind..maybe this is how little Jasmin will go. I’m going to be beaten up by two dodgy looking bogans. They both stepped out of their car and to my relief were simply changing drivers. Yet my heart was still racing and I started to feel guilty for jumping to such a judgemental presumption that elicited thoughts of dismay. I continued on my drive, my thoughts moving to the annoying people on the radio talking about Adele. Thats when I saw the same car I’d been following begin to swerve all over the road. They’d move over the line on the far right, only to swerve on over to left with absence of any indication. Too much effort I suppose. My stomach filled with concern and angst as I continued to follow them. My mind started to conjecture as to why I was seeing what I was seeing. Where these people drunk? They were going to kill someone.

Next I see my turn off, slightly relieved slightly terrified to see the car in front without a turn off signal. Except, before my eyes they swerve over to the left then straight back over to the right lane. They’ve clearly forgotten their turn off so they dangerously slam into and over the island, right in front of me. Smoke starts to rush out of their car as they swerve over to the other side of the road, cutting it too close to the edge. This is all happening right in front of me and I am terrified. I slow right down sure that something else is going to happen. These people are idiots. Putting everyone else’s lives at risk. I slow right down and new cars coming up behind me are starting to get very confused as to what the hell I’m going so slow for. As suspected  the car does not stop like any sane person would to check to see if their car is about to blow up. With the state of their car and quality of their driving I was slightly expecting it. But I continued to watch their car with caution as they turn off, once again at the same place I will. I watched them for a few more moments before they are too far in front, so I drive home.

I felt shocked. I felt bemused by what I had just seen. Not only that but I wanted to burst into tears thinking about all the effects these people could have. I don’t know if anything has happened yet, but I’m keeping my eyes pealed on the news this evening. I didn’t call the police. I didn’t even think to get the number plate. I feel useless in a way, but what could I have done? I would have been of little use to the police, with no sufficient information and no evidence of actions.

But honestly..PEOPLE.. what the hell is wrong with you? I mean fine, if you want to put yourself in that situation go off into isolated bush somewhere and blatantly kill yourself. But DO NOT put other peoples lives at risk. Some people are just so damn selfish. They don’t think before they do. And yes sometimes none of us do, but situations involving driving under the influence or recklessly NEED to be thought through, if not by you by someone sensible. Obviously some people are too thick. But what is wrong with you? Open your eyes, grow up and start thinking about the repercussions that your actions could have on other peoples lives. That goes for reckless driving too. And yes in regards to that, I’m looking at you young guys with hot shot cars and the maturity  and driving skills of a 5 year old. I feel like everyone needs to be put into a real life situation like this in order for them to apprehend and embellish the seriousness of such blatant, ignorant acts. But think about it before it happens. My message is simple, don’t be stupid. My rant is over.

~ Jasmin

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Everything happens for a reason! Or does it?

As I look back on my 19 years of existence, I can finally fathom the meaning of the quote “Everything happens for a reason”. I think that situations to happen regardless, but from every situation good or bad lessons and new understandings and knowledge can be learnt and gained. I know that I am very young but I have been left in situations in my life that leave me asking simply, why?

I mean some situations like death for example, its hard to fathom what we are suppose to learn from them. We learn that life is precious? That we shouldn’t take anyone or anything for granted.

But I’m more so talking about situations we put ourselves in, Situations that are in our control. Friendships for example. We choose our friends yes?

I had a bestfriend for most of highschool. She left me heartbroken purely because she chose to hang out with the popular kids over me. I was always to stubborn to ask her why, I just dealt with the many pieces my heart was in, decided it didn’t matter and tried to move on. Except it took me a long time. More than a year even. Now I look back on that experience and what it taught me. It taught me that people don’t deserve you if they choose others over you. I mean don’t waste your time on people who would rather hang out with people of status and popularity.

Secondly, the first guy i dated at 17 taught me to be straightforward with people and not fuck them around. Because with him i decided to to just ignore him as I no longer wanted to speak to him anymore. Now I realise that was the wrong way to deal with it. But dating him taught me to stay true to myself and not be someone I’m not. I was a good girl who didn’t like breaking the rules.  T

thirdly, my first love and first heartbreak occurring over the last year and a half. Literally has taught me the most I’ve ever learnt in my life. From becoming emotionally dependent, learning my self worth, learning about immature males, that actions speak louder than words an that I should always put myself first. This boy was the first guy I’ve ever loved and I fell for him very quickly. Within the first two months I was breaking down crying and depressed for at least two weeks because of his immature ways of dealing with things and my pathetic attachment to someone I’d just met. It took my a solid six months to lose all feelings for him. I still think about him at least once a day. But man all the heartbreak and shit I went through for him taught me so much. It really taught me what I want form a guy, what i need from a guy but most importantly what i deserve from a guy. Also the most important thing i took away from him and the situation was to love myself, to 100% put myself first no matter what and to be careful about who I let into my life. Also, “Do not chase people”.

Most situations that have hurt me in anyway, I can see and comprehend the lessons that have been taught. It causes me to think about things sometimes, like some situations are a test, a lesson to be learnt.

I’m bagging you.. Social Media

Social media, we’ve all heard of it. Most of us are pretty much addicted to it wether you’d like to admit it or not. When was the last time you went a day without checking your facebook notifications, ya memes, your snapchats, stalked your exe’s snapchat story or envied a celebrity on instagram? I mean come on, can you even remember? I’m not trying to make you feel guilty here, I’m just bringing a topical subject to the surface. We’re addicted. And in all honesty, its pathetic. I see it as a waste of time, and maybe you do too, but I still do it. I often become frustrated at my lack of being able to resist checking my notications. I think about all the things I could be doing, things I enjoy even. I could read so many more books, write, Hell, when was the last time you did something new, a hobby? God Forbid you start A HOBBY INSTEAD OF CHECKING YOUR NOTICATIONS! Also how sad is it that people determine their worth based on HOW MANY LIKES THEY GET

I feel sorry for the generation growing up during the social media craze. The era of facebook profiles, instagram, snapchats, you name it. Luckily, I caught only the end of it. These days, kids spend more waking moments glued to a computer or smartphone screen than they do actually socialising. I’m sorry, but socialising these days seems to be instant messaging constantly even when you live in the same city. Is this how relationships are now? I see people even my age, developing ‘relationships’ but messaging each other via messenger or snapchat and I think its disgusting. How the fuck do you develop a relationship, a real relationship with someone through a damn screen. But this is what socialising is these days, who cares if you haven’t seen your ‘friend’ in 8 months as long as you instant message them frequently. No. I don’t agree. That’s not a friendship.

 

TO BE CONTINUED..